So I took this dump this morning. You probably don't know this but i am lactose intolerant and I had some cereal before sleeping the night before. So anyways back to this dump...
It was massive.
I flushed the toilet but I had to rush out of the house since i was late for class. blahblah comes home. Walks into my bathroom. HUGE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT THERE!
Ugh didn't I flush you this morning :/ .
So i flushed it again....
Fucking plugged... Anyways, I didn't get the plunger because its a big pain in the ass to find it and actually use it cause there is a lot of clean up and whatnot. So I went into the kitchen and took a wooden chopstick.
I started poking at the shit trying to get it to go down. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes go by.
FINALLY, it goes down. I flush the chopstick with it.
So why did I tell this story?
I'm not really sure...
Well in recent news, Prom is amidst the horizon.
So in relation to that, there have been multiple "promposals". ugh that word sounds like a fucking 13 year old equestrians pony...
Nothing really all that notable except for one where he set-up like fucking 30 authentic Persian rugs in an open sewer where goons hang out. Maybe the placement could have been better but the effort was definately admirable.
Honestly, people expect me to mock that kind of setup because of its extent and effort put into something so... needless but really, I respect that kind of dedication of romanticism and "love" lololol love nvm. not that hahaha.
But really, I really do respect it. I won't tell him cause that's weird. But I do. I shall respect you in the privacy of my humble abode.
Why? Why do I approve? Because it displays effort that I would never display and its enjoyable as fuck to watch! Lolll So elaborate, it was funny! There was a fucking stereo system and he sang a song! Ballsy and embarrassing! Formula for enjoyment :) and because its so out of the way.
For example just yesterday, a douchey guy did this promposal where he led his target to the centre foyer of the school using balloons and small treats (candy i think? I have no fucking clue. Its like the signs of a pedophile). Then when she arrived, he came out of his hiding spot (behind a fucking wall... couldn't you have dropped from the ceiling or something... so much more interesting to watch) and sang some fucking gay ass song to her (it was one direction- one thing :/ ) NO RESPECT. Lame as fucking fucks and fucking unoriginal as fuck and just plain fucking loserish fuck as fucking fuck. Fuck that fuck and his uninteresting fucking fuck.
To all who are reading this, if any, do yours interestingly and uniquely. Seriously, so I can enjoy watching you make a fool of yourself and the embarassment when the two parties hug and say yes :) (I'm warm-hearted). Who knows? Maybe even kiss! Hohohoho (Santa Claus). All the more Enjoyable to watch.
I shouldn't be judging anyone, i suppose, cause I'm a giant fucking pussy when it comes to asking for anything. Well, not really a pussy. I just haven't found the suitable candidate yet, I guess. It's kinda depressing.
4 years ago, when I first entered High school, I expected myself to have a long time girlfriend of 3 years already and going into prom, so in love with each other. (yes, I had a very romantic idea of prom where I meet the parents, pick her up in a limo, and fuck her like crazy during the afterprom.) But what the fuck? Sigh, if I was looking at myself now from four years ago, I'd think of how pathetic i am. But really, I guess I don't really mind so much anymore.
I'm not sad anymore.
At the end of prom, I just want to be at the roof of Tim Hortans with a couple of my closest friends, a couple beers, a cigarette in my mouth, and us just laughing our asses off at the final stage of High school and all the retarded shit we've done.
I guess that is what I want my prom to look like at this very instant. My image of romance has really changed. Even if I miraculously get a date in time with the girl I want, I still want my prom to turn out like that ^ :) . But it's actually a lot harder to do that than one would think :/ . Most of my closest friends would rather get stoned at a fucking nerd party and pray to god to wake up to a female and not each other. I guess that's alright, too, since that is the prom tradition, but its tradition :/ . tradition is boring and unmonumental and meaningless...
A lot of people say they're going to go alone without even trying or even waiting for anyone to ask anything like saying that fucking 3 months before prom is even going to happen. They're just cowards for not even trying and you know what pisses me more off? When they say they're ok with it.
No-one in the world wants to go to prom alone. So why say you're ok with it? you're just masking the fucking problem. Fucking pussies. Might as well not go at all.
Me and my gf just broke up so i guess that's that. If it really comes down to it, I'm not even gonna go so why make such a post :/ Just kinda depressed thinking about it. Our break-up I mean. It kinda hurts thinking about prom now.
But of-course, You can probably tell that I don't say depressed for long but by the time I'm done with my brooding and listening to sad love songs (ugh so different from my usual death-core where its emotionless screaming of the apocalypse and satanic faith oh and can't forget about alien invasions P.S I love you, The Faceless), all the potential candidates will have been asked. Holy fuck i sound like a certain one-winged fallen angel.
P.S HI _________
lololol nah just joking. Who knows? Maybe something miraculously romantic will happen in the next 2 weeks and I'll be one of the ones who does something stupidly embarrassing and elaborate! Probably a circle jerk themed idea.
Look forward to it, readers, cause it'll be legendary. (Well, what kind of circle jerk isn't legendary?!)
P.S HI ... Lul. Had to add that in.
Saturday, 14 April 2012
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Self-Piercings
So you, the reader, probably came in here, intending to read about a couple of stupid kids that are going to pierce themselves. Well, it is within my intentions to give you what you want! :)
So how do I start this. It was a humid summer night. Me and my friend (same friend from the "I farted in a cup" were at a buddy's party. Mind you, these are rich white kids with flabbergast-able access to alcohol.
By now, you would be able to picture where this story is going. Me and my friend went outside with a couple of beers and we sat down and started blabbering on and on about whatever teenage boys like to blab about.
Anyhoo,
Across our view, we noticed this "scene boy" with 2 piercings on his lips, 2 on his nose, 3 on his eyebrow, countless number of earrings, and we swear, we could make out a "Prince Albert." Judging by how many girls were trying to "fuck his balls" pardon my french, it wasn't exactly out of the realm of believability that if even it is only a one to a million chance that a girl accidentally poked a hole through his dick, he were 60% sure he had a Prince Albert.
So here we are. Two guys sitting by ourselves outside on the porch. One with a slightly stark boner for whatever reason and the other puking on the sidewalk (guess which one I am.)
Pretend that you were watching this scene from a movie theatre. The director is trying to show you the comparison between the two of these groups.
So we have on one side:
Scene
Though me and my buddy were slightly drunk, we weren't so drunk that we could not notice this differentiation. But alas, we were young then...
After discussing it for quite some time, we concluded that this scene boy is only popular among the females because he has PIERCINGS!
We were young and naive...
So what we decided to do, well, not technically me. What my friend decided to do was he wanted to pierce himself and me as the bystander, had to aide him in his daring journey into the dark minds of Scene kids and Soft Goth alike.
He came out shortly with a small needle (I have no clue where he got it) and a stud(I later found out he took it from a passed out person on a couch). And we went to the park.
"I don't want people to seeour piercing cause ya know, its unnatural" but in reality, he just didn't want people to see him cry like a little girl. :)
So me and him were at the park under the roof that leads you to the slides.
We sat down and began our business. I bought a bottle of beer with me to cleanse the needle (which by the way doesn't work).
We had decided to create a lip stud.
"Go."
Sweat was rolling down my eyelids and I couldn't help but think what would happen if I missed. What if I get his tongue? What if I hit his nose and create and extra nostril? He would hate me if he couldn't blow his nose normally anymore!
I took a deep breath and pulled out my bottle of asparin.
"Whats takin so lung buddd?"
Shhhhh and I ingested 5.
Come on you son of a bitch. Don't miss.
My hands were sweaty and shaking.
"You know what? Fuck it." and I dove in.
I pierced as quickly as I possibly could and pulled out just as quick.
FUCK!!?!
I MISSED!
I had hit his nose after all ironically. Thank god I didn't go through.
Thank god he was so drunk, he didn't realize that I had punctured.
"What the fuck?"
"Eh? Nothing. Just missed. I'll try again."
And again, I pierced.
As a sniper is made to snipe as I was made to pierce random parts of a human body.
Swiftly, I made the piercing in his lip.
Honestly, I don't exactly remember what I did and how it looked like so I can't really judge.
He screamed in pain
"WTF!!!"
After 30 mins of saying sorry and trying to soothe his pain with my words, he said "Your turn asshole."
I don't remember this being part of the deal...
After many a convincing, I finally decided to let him pierce me but he didn't think it was fair...
"Look, I did it in an unorthodox place so you should to..."
Wait what? Unorthodox? We're giving each other fucking piercings in the park at fucking 2 in the fucking morning. Don't give me shit about orthodox.
"Regardless, Not the ears or the mouth since I did the mouth which is throbbing pain now..."
After an extensive game of rock paper scissors, he and I finally decided to give me a nipple piercing...
But wait ***** (insert name)! I've seen your nipples! There isn't a hole there!
Shush...
So it's around 3 in the morning now. I called my mom that I'm sleeping over at this very responsible friend's house (he's asain :D ), and my friend is extremely tired and drunk and he's sitting in some corner screaming for some girl named Emily. Haha I laughed at this later.
So both his wounds, fairly bloody, we proceeded to insert a nipple piercing. What to do? I was scared. My shirt was off. It was dark and my friend who was fairly drunk with a thin needle was about to puncture the side of my nipple. That's ok. I was drunk.
He had missed my nipple and actually stabbed the area right underneath my rib and now there's a fairly deep flesh wound there.
The pain was immense! I couldn't focus.
"WTF"
"Dammmmm. It still looks pretty cool."
Anyways, he pulls out 5 grams of pot and we smoked all 5 grams! to null the pain. And that it did.
The next day, my wound was throbbing and i assumed his wound was even worse as it had started turning a different colour. I threw my shirt on and the wound was covered. Walking home, trying to piece together what had happened that night. The walk was 5 hours... fuck me.
The end.
P.S He didn't come to school for a couple days afterwards and we had forgotten to insert the stud in and thus, the piercing closed.
So how do I start this. It was a humid summer night. Me and my friend (same friend from the "I farted in a cup" were at a buddy's party. Mind you, these are rich white kids with flabbergast-able access to alcohol.
By now, you would be able to picture where this story is going. Me and my friend went outside with a couple of beers and we sat down and started blabbering on and on about whatever teenage boys like to blab about.
Anyhoo,
Across our view, we noticed this "scene boy" with 2 piercings on his lips, 2 on his nose, 3 on his eyebrow, countless number of earrings, and we swear, we could make out a "Prince Albert." Judging by how many girls were trying to "fuck his balls" pardon my french, it wasn't exactly out of the realm of believability that if even it is only a one to a million chance that a girl accidentally poked a hole through his dick, he were 60% sure he had a Prince Albert.
So here we are. Two guys sitting by ourselves outside on the porch. One with a slightly stark boner for whatever reason and the other puking on the sidewalk (guess which one I am.)
Pretend that you were watching this scene from a movie theatre. The director is trying to show you the comparison between the two of these groups.
So we have on one side:
Scene
- Very good looking guy
- Numerous girls around him(regardless of beauty)
- Not a virgin (way he walks)
- Just fucked 30 girls (way he walks)
- SAUSAGE FEST
Though me and my buddy were slightly drunk, we weren't so drunk that we could not notice this differentiation. But alas, we were young then...
After discussing it for quite some time, we concluded that this scene boy is only popular among the females because he has PIERCINGS!
We were young and naive...
So what we decided to do, well, not technically me. What my friend decided to do was he wanted to pierce himself and me as the bystander, had to aide him in his daring journey into the dark minds of Scene kids and Soft Goth alike.
He came out shortly with a small needle (I have no clue where he got it) and a stud(I later found out he took it from a passed out person on a couch). And we went to the park.
"I don't want people to seeour piercing cause ya know, its unnatural" but in reality, he just didn't want people to see him cry like a little girl. :)
So me and him were at the park under the roof that leads you to the slides.
We sat down and began our business. I bought a bottle of beer with me to cleanse the needle (which by the way doesn't work).
We had decided to create a lip stud.
"Go."
Sweat was rolling down my eyelids and I couldn't help but think what would happen if I missed. What if I get his tongue? What if I hit his nose and create and extra nostril? He would hate me if he couldn't blow his nose normally anymore!
I took a deep breath and pulled out my bottle of asparin.
"Whats takin so lung buddd?"
Shhhhh and I ingested 5.
Come on you son of a bitch. Don't miss.
My hands were sweaty and shaking.
"You know what? Fuck it." and I dove in.
I pierced as quickly as I possibly could and pulled out just as quick.
FUCK!!?!
I MISSED!
I had hit his nose after all ironically. Thank god I didn't go through.
Thank god he was so drunk, he didn't realize that I had punctured.
"What the fuck?"
"Eh? Nothing. Just missed. I'll try again."
And again, I pierced.
As a sniper is made to snipe as I was made to pierce random parts of a human body.
Swiftly, I made the piercing in his lip.
Honestly, I don't exactly remember what I did and how it looked like so I can't really judge.
He screamed in pain
"WTF!!!"
After 30 mins of saying sorry and trying to soothe his pain with my words, he said "Your turn asshole."
I don't remember this being part of the deal...
After many a convincing, I finally decided to let him pierce me but he didn't think it was fair...
"Look, I did it in an unorthodox place so you should to..."
Wait what? Unorthodox? We're giving each other fucking piercings in the park at fucking 2 in the fucking morning. Don't give me shit about orthodox.
"Regardless, Not the ears or the mouth since I did the mouth which is throbbing pain now..."
After an extensive game of rock paper scissors, he and I finally decided to give me a nipple piercing...
But wait ***** (insert name)! I've seen your nipples! There isn't a hole there!
Shush...
So it's around 3 in the morning now. I called my mom that I'm sleeping over at this very responsible friend's house (he's asain :D ), and my friend is extremely tired and drunk and he's sitting in some corner screaming for some girl named Emily. Haha I laughed at this later.
So both his wounds, fairly bloody, we proceeded to insert a nipple piercing. What to do? I was scared. My shirt was off. It was dark and my friend who was fairly drunk with a thin needle was about to puncture the side of my nipple. That's ok. I was drunk.
He had missed my nipple and actually stabbed the area right underneath my rib and now there's a fairly deep flesh wound there.
The pain was immense! I couldn't focus.
"WTF"
"Dammmmm. It still looks pretty cool."
Anyways, he pulls out 5 grams of pot and we smoked all 5 grams! to null the pain. And that it did.
The next day, my wound was throbbing and i assumed his wound was even worse as it had started turning a different colour. I threw my shirt on and the wound was covered. Walking home, trying to piece together what had happened that night. The walk was 5 hours... fuck me.
The end.
P.S He didn't come to school for a couple days afterwards and we had forgotten to insert the stud in and thus, the piercing closed.
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