I farted in this cup...

So I have this friend that we love to play little mean jokes on each other. The most recent one was when he kicked my balls out of the blue. We were just standing beside each other and all of a sudden, a roundhouse kick to my balls!

Pictured above: A roundhouse kick to my balls.

So I was at a coffee shop with this friend a couple of days agoand he asked me to go get him a black coffee. First of all, I was appalled that he could even drink black coffee because frankly, it tastes like pee when it is black.

So i asked him "Why black?" and he said that he was lactose intolerant. WHAT A LITTLE BITCH! Secondly, I was appalled that this little bitch that can't even drink normal coffee was even asking me to go get him some coffee like a little bitch!

So now, think about it this way. This would put me in a position of being the bitch's bitch, putting me at the bottom of the food chain! In order to save my pride, I could do only one thing. Play a disgusting prank on him.

I refuse to be at the bottom.

I went off to get him some coffee. Then I put enough milk and sugar in it to make it a quintuple quintuple! After putting some other condiments in it such as salt and vinegar, I feared that this was not deadly enough. As a last act of desperation, I farted in the cup.

Pictured above: Pure joy.

That's right. I farted in the cup!

So I went to pass him the cup of toxic coffee. The colour was way off the normal black, but he didn't notice. He takes one sip of it and says "What did you put in this coffee?" I say, "Ehh ya know. The usual. MILK MOTHER FUCKER! MILK FROM MY TITTIES!"

He immediately bolts out into the washroom and poops bricks as I was listening from the door.

*Plop plop* the poop goes. Meanwhile, he's cursing at me. "You went overboard this time man! I'm going to get you back for this." I'm apologizing half-halfheartedly because to be honest, I felt a little bit of guilt. That's right. In this deep dark hole that is my heart, I actually felt pity for this pathetic insect that probably feels like it just released a nuclear bomb in its underwear.

So finally, he's done and we're just both laughing at what we had just done while I am preparing for my punishment. My balls began tingling. Always a bad sign.

He asks "What did you put in there anyways?"

I say "I dunno, go check it out."

He opens the cup and takes a whiff of the drink. Next thing you know, he's out cold!

So I'm just standing there wondering what just happened. So finally, I hypothesized what happened.

Now, I'm not saying I'm amazing at chemistry. In fact, I suck at it. But my limited knowledge does tell me that Chlorine gas will knock a bear out and therefore, knocked my friend out.

April 26th Worst Day Ever

So I had the worst day of my life today -.-

Now ok. Today, it started like any normal. I woke up and dragged my ass to school. In fact, i thought it was an amazing day because my chemistry teacher wasn't here today.

BOY WAS I WRONG?!?!

See I have this ritual where I take my friend's phone every physics class and read through all his texts!!! Funny eh? Anyways, I was reading one of his texts with this girl and it turns out this extremely pretty girl likes this guy! Well Fuck me sideways. So anyways, I'm just sitting there with a broken heart and a phone full of mocking texts.

Next thing happened during my last period class, math. So there is this girl in my math class and she is really pretty. =D Anyhoo, this guy, NOTE: he is an attractive and muscular guy, comes in in the last 10 minutes of class from gym class and asks this pretty girl to go to the PROM with him which she replies with a, of course, YES. So anyways, I'm just sitting there with a broken heart, a memory of a phone full of mocking texts, and a spiteful love scene in front of my eyes.

So by then, I was convinced my day couldn't get any worse so I tried to leave as soon as possible. This extremely pretty girl said hi to my friend today. MY FRIEND!!! Why must god spite me? Sure i haven't been a perfect person in my life and i sure as hell sin a lot. In fact, I'm pretty sure I am committing the grand sin of lust. So anyways, I'm just standing there with a broken heart, a memory of a phone full of mocking texts, a memory of a spiteful love scene in front of my eyes, and eternal damnation to hell from yours truly.

So there ya have it. Shitty day -.-

EDIT: Ok My day became even shittier. I didn't realize until right now. O.k it was around 8:00 when i first noticed it which is also the beginning of Glee. So I was watching Glee and usually, I am mildly entertained but this week's episode was TERRIBLE! So I changed the channel at exactly 8:39 to YTV and caught a rerun of a spongebob episode. You know what the episode was about? This episode was about Spongebob having the greatest day of his life.
The entire episode involved him singing "the best day ever" And i changed the channel just when his little "ballad" started. So what are you trying to tell me god?

Introduction

So lets see. My ANNOYING friend finally convinced me to start a blog with him. Ok that would be the topic sentence.

The name is (SHH). On this blog, I'm gonna share some of the stuff that me and my friend that i previously noted have written such as lyrics stories blah blah blah. My friend refuses to be revealed because he is a bitch. Anyways some information.

Name: Turn out that I'm gonna keep this one to myself :)
Age: 16
Sex: Not yet -.- VIRGIN ALERT!
Sex: hermaphrodite
Height: 8 inches and growing
Weight: Well the woman side of me never tells ;)
School: Bayview Secondary School
Religion: Mormon
One of many pet peeves: When people say KayThxBai or KThxBai or any sort of variation of this bullshit.
Music: Christian Gospel music ironically haha
Hobbie(s): Drawing penises or Penii
Address: River Styx
Idol: Shinya Aoki