Nothing beats a coffee and a smoke in the morning.
After not sleeping for 2 days (kk that's a lie. I fell asleep for an hour from 6-7 today.), I biked to a Tim Hortans and bought myself a coffee, then went to the park and had a smoke.
Fuck yeah. Ideal mornings.
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Tuesday, 9 August 2011
Motherfucking Insomnia
I haven't been able to sleep at all recently.
I don't know much about the science of the human brain and psychology and shit like that but it's not like my life has had a drastic change recently.
I find myself just trying to get tired and hopefully drift off into the wonderful land of unicorns and care bears but FUCK ME! Everyday I'm up until 5-6-7-8 in the morning and then I can finally sleep for about 2 hours... 2 FUCKING HOURS!
The big problem is that if I don't sleep, I get really cranky. I will just go full on bitch mode on everyone. The only way to reverse this is to smoke. Recently, I've been trying to quit smoking or at least tone it down because there's this girl (blushes) ;) Unfortunately, not being able to sleep isn't helping my case at all.
Another thing is that if I don't sleep, I get really really hungry. To be honest, I don't eat much to begin with. One meal per day and maybe a snack is all I need. Why you may ask? Cause its COST EFFICIENT! I hate spending money on needless things and one of those things that i deem needless is good food. All I've been eating for the past month is peanut butter sandwiches! FUCK PEANUT BUTTER FUCKING SANDWICHES! Everyday. Make myself a peanut butter sandwich (maybe 2 if I'm feeling spunky). Drink some water. And that's my meal. See this is a big problem. If I get really really hungry, I'll have to go buy some stuff from Metro at this time in the night to eat. BUY= MONEY! No money :(= No food :( = Dead.
I have this tendency to write crap when I don't get sleep. and therefore this post.
So right now, I'm just practicing my guitar (I've been playing a lot recently because the activity of playing guitar COSTS NO MONEY!) and I'm writing in this piece of shit blog.
I'm even on my 4th beer to see if that'll get my drowsy... Man fuck. I'm gonna go wake some poor suckers up to accompany me.
EDIT: LOL this post really really sucks haha.
I don't know much about the science of the human brain and psychology and shit like that but it's not like my life has had a drastic change recently.
I find myself just trying to get tired and hopefully drift off into the wonderful land of unicorns and care bears but FUCK ME! Everyday I'm up until 5-6-7-8 in the morning and then I can finally sleep for about 2 hours... 2 FUCKING HOURS!
The big problem is that if I don't sleep, I get really cranky. I will just go full on bitch mode on everyone. The only way to reverse this is to smoke. Recently, I've been trying to quit smoking or at least tone it down because there's this girl (blushes) ;) Unfortunately, not being able to sleep isn't helping my case at all.
Another thing is that if I don't sleep, I get really really hungry. To be honest, I don't eat much to begin with. One meal per day and maybe a snack is all I need. Why you may ask? Cause its COST EFFICIENT! I hate spending money on needless things and one of those things that i deem needless is good food. All I've been eating for the past month is peanut butter sandwiches! FUCK PEANUT BUTTER FUCKING SANDWICHES! Everyday. Make myself a peanut butter sandwich (maybe 2 if I'm feeling spunky). Drink some water. And that's my meal. See this is a big problem. If I get really really hungry, I'll have to go buy some stuff from Metro at this time in the night to eat. BUY= MONEY! No money :(= No food :( = Dead.
I have this tendency to write crap when I don't get sleep. and therefore this post.
So right now, I'm just practicing my guitar (I've been playing a lot recently because the activity of playing guitar COSTS NO MONEY!) and I'm writing in this piece of shit blog.
I'm even on my 4th beer to see if that'll get my drowsy... Man fuck. I'm gonna go wake some poor suckers up to accompany me.
EDIT: LOL this post really really sucks haha.
Monday, 1 August 2011
What I Am Afraid Of...
So I haven't written anything in a long long time... Yeah that's it... No reason.
Anyways, I was playing this computer game called Hotel 626. So I turned it on and it started with a acted scene. Not too bad i thought too myself. Then for some strange fucking reason, the guy I'm controlling (technically me) runs out of his hotel room and follows the ominous voice down the hall which is pitch black at end.
Look... If this was really me, I would not leave the bed let alone the room so why the fuck would I go down the fucking dark hallway with glimmering lights?
Next thing you know, you're in some sort of large shower room and there's almost no light at all except for the little light aimed to the 4cm by 4cm circle in front of you. Basically, "it" tells you to take a picture of something as a camera is in your hands. Then all of a sudden, I see some weird shit move around. WTF!? So I focus the camera and take the picture. All of a sudden you seem some maid Gothic chick shriek and shes covering her body and shit.
So this game taught me a few things.
Why? Why should I write this out? Well frankly, I have this reputation of being a very masculine strong man but at the same time, I need to face my many many fears in hopes of conquering them. Therefore, realizing them is the first step.
Kk so the list:
Anyways, I was playing this computer game called Hotel 626. So I turned it on and it started with a acted scene. Not too bad i thought too myself. Then for some strange fucking reason, the guy I'm controlling (technically me) runs out of his hotel room and follows the ominous voice down the hall which is pitch black at end.
Look... If this was really me, I would not leave the bed let alone the room so why the fuck would I go down the fucking dark hallway with glimmering lights?
Next thing you know, you're in some sort of large shower room and there's almost no light at all except for the little light aimed to the 4cm by 4cm circle in front of you. Basically, "it" tells you to take a picture of something as a camera is in your hands. Then all of a sudden, I see some weird shit move around. WTF!? So I focus the camera and take the picture. All of a sudden you seem some maid Gothic chick shriek and shes covering her body and shit.
So this game taught me a few things.
- Never leave the room.
- Cameras in all movies ALWAYS screw you over.
- I have poor bowel control.
Why? Why should I write this out? Well frankly, I have this reputation of being a very masculine strong man but at the same time, I need to face my many many fears in hopes of conquering them. Therefore, realizing them is the first step.
Kk so the list:
- Bees
- Acrobats
- Other people's body hair
- Hockey masks
- 2 star Motels
- Old old churches
- Centipedes
- Human Centipedes
- Human Pyramids
- Heights
- Water
- Biking with no hands
- Marilyn Manson
- Asylums
- People that inhabit asylums
- Girls (ahahahaha)
- Girls with dicks
- Thai Strippers
- Japanese Sex Toys
- Metal heads
- Watermelons
- Old Men
- Dimly Lit Areas
- Glitter vampires
- Miley Cyrus's Horse teeth
- Oprah's Vagina
- Big glasses
- Guys who wear fitted hats
- Very large fedoras (I'm not talking about the kind you get H&M. I'm talking big ass motherfuckers. Radius minimum of 12 inches...)
- Losing a limb
- Flaccid
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
NeverShoutNever And his Impact on my life (Its not as homo as it sounds)
NeverShoutNever. Christofer Drew Ingle. This man has changed my life. For the the worst ASSHOLE!!!
Ok So how do i begin?
First, a little something about me. I love music. All kinds of music. Country, Pop, Jazz, Classical, whatever blah blah. Life is a mistake without music. Brutal deathcore FTW. (Check Abominable Putridity out.)
However, I've always had mixed feelings towards people that ONLY sing love songs, like NeverShoutNever. He has about 30 different songs? So assuming that each song is for a different girl since they all tell a different story, he's had 30 different girls that he has been really serious with? So serious that he would write a song about? What kind of player does he think he is? Admittedly, he is a good looking man, yes bisexual, but even so... He has a pig nose and I've got more testosterone in my piss than he does in his whole body. Therefore, Ladies and Gentlemen, he has a small penis! But all funny business aside, he's got a very sweet voice. But honestly, he kind of butchered Bohemian Rhapsody, which he did a cover of. Freddie Mercury would be rolling over in his grave after hearing that -.- .
Anyways, when you're in love or "smitten" by a beautiful girl, NeverShoutNever is like the happiest stuff you can listen to.
Anyways, I finally wracked up the balls to ask this girl out. And I had just started listening to NeverShoutNever. It was all I listened to -.- Makes me sound kinda gay since I'm not a 13 year old girl.
Anyways, our relationship was short-lived and then for the 2 months afterwards, every single time I heard NeverShoutNever, I would puke.
I didn't even feel like I was that impacted. I mean my life didn't really change drastically. I still went on with my daily routine. It's not like I spent everyday of my next 2 months eating ice cream and watching 500 Days of Summer over and over again. Sure I was bummed but who wouldn't be?
So I still wonder why I have this involuntary repulsion of the contents in my bowels.
Pretty fucking funny! Course now, it's not so bad.
BUT! FUCK! Friggin killed me. Goddam son of a bitch. If I ever meet this motherfucker in real life, I'm gonna rip his balls out from his throat.
Favourite songs by NeverShoutNever?
Happy (Haha I remember I put my ipod on shuffle during chemistry class and had to puke in the sink.)
Dare4Distance (Haha I remember I tried to test my stomach disorder with this band and I puked in my cereal. The lucky charms guy was pisseddddd offff)
Ok So how do i begin?
First, a little something about me. I love music. All kinds of music. Country, Pop, Jazz, Classical, whatever blah blah. Life is a mistake without music. Brutal deathcore FTW. (Check Abominable Putridity out.)
However, I've always had mixed feelings towards people that ONLY sing love songs, like NeverShoutNever. He has about 30 different songs? So assuming that each song is for a different girl since they all tell a different story, he's had 30 different girls that he has been really serious with? So serious that he would write a song about? What kind of player does he think he is? Admittedly, he is a good looking man, yes bisexual, but even so... He has a pig nose and I've got more testosterone in my piss than he does in his whole body. Therefore, Ladies and Gentlemen, he has a small penis! But all funny business aside, he's got a very sweet voice. But honestly, he kind of butchered Bohemian Rhapsody, which he did a cover of. Freddie Mercury would be rolling over in his grave after hearing that -.- .
Anyways, when you're in love or "smitten" by a beautiful girl, NeverShoutNever is like the happiest stuff you can listen to.
Anyways, I finally wracked up the balls to ask this girl out. And I had just started listening to NeverShoutNever. It was all I listened to -.- Makes me sound kinda gay since I'm not a 13 year old girl.
Anyways, our relationship was short-lived and then for the 2 months afterwards, every single time I heard NeverShoutNever, I would puke.
I didn't even feel like I was that impacted. I mean my life didn't really change drastically. I still went on with my daily routine. It's not like I spent everyday of my next 2 months eating ice cream and watching 500 Days of Summer over and over again. Sure I was bummed but who wouldn't be?
So I still wonder why I have this involuntary repulsion of the contents in my bowels.
Pretty fucking funny! Course now, it's not so bad.
BUT! FUCK! Friggin killed me. Goddam son of a bitch. If I ever meet this motherfucker in real life, I'm gonna rip his balls out from his throat.
Favourite songs by NeverShoutNever?
Happy (Haha I remember I put my ipod on shuffle during chemistry class and had to puke in the sink.)
Dare4Distance (Haha I remember I tried to test my stomach disorder with this band and I puked in my cereal. The lucky charms guy was pisseddddd offff)
Saturday, 11 June 2011
The Sadist Masochist Theory: My theory on Sadists and Masochists.
So a while back, me and my friend were bored on a Summer night, well it was 2 in the morning. Anyhow, we were bored and wide awake. We couldn't go outside because the lake was closed at nights with no one to watch us in case of an accident. Any how, because we were so bored, we decided to devise this theory. It's nothing too long or complicated
Our/My Theory of Sadists and Masochists.
Sadist- Person who finds pleasure or joy in giving pain towards others
Masochists- Person who finds pleasure or joy in receiving pain from others.
Again, this is pretty short.
1. Everyone is either a Sadist or a masochist. There is no one in the world that isn't like that.
Therefore, the next time you make fun of someone for being a sadist or a masochist, go beat yourself with a whip and see if you enjoy it.
2. There are however people that are sadomasochists. Combination of both.
3. However, there is an exception with the above. As there are people that are both, these special group of people will always have a preference.
4. Sadists and masochists are generally very compatible in both romance and sexual intercourse (obviously).
Distinction:
Sadists:
Sadomasochists are less predictable.
And there you have it. The sadists masochist theory.
Our/My Theory of Sadists and Masochists.
Sadist- Person who finds pleasure or joy in giving pain towards others
Masochists- Person who finds pleasure or joy in receiving pain from others.
Again, this is pretty short.
1. Everyone is either a Sadist or a masochist. There is no one in the world that isn't like that.
Therefore, the next time you make fun of someone for being a sadist or a masochist, go beat yourself with a whip and see if you enjoy it.
2. There are however people that are sadomasochists. Combination of both.
3. However, there is an exception with the above. As there are people that are both, these special group of people will always have a preference.
4. Sadists and masochists are generally very compatible in both romance and sexual intercourse (obviously).
Distinction:
Sadists:
- Whiny people
- Easily angered
- Rough sex
- Admittedly a nympho
- Very loud
- 57% female
- Have no shame though will deny
- generally very quiet
- Adores sex and will continuous hint at it but will never instigate first
- Very proactive when the sexual intercourse does begin
- Has shame and feels shame when by themselves
- Kinky as shit
- Generally, population of "larger" people
- Talking dirty will turn them the fuck on.
Sadomasochists are less predictable.
And there you have it. The sadists masochist theory.
Thursday, 9 June 2011
Smoking
I'm actually so fucking sick and tired of people always telling me, you should stop smoking. KK guess what the fuck? SHUT THE FUCK UP!
My health is my problem. If I want to die when I'm 19, I will do so. If I want to die when I'm 29, I will do so. If you have a problem with my health, maybe you should get a life and fuck off.
The smell of smoking... If you don't want to breathe in the air of my smoke, just don't be with me when I'm smoking. IN FACT!!! Most of the time when I am smoking, I'm by myself or at a smoking designated area such as the smoking pit beside my school. If you don't like the smell, well that's your problem. I have no problem with it. You don't like it? Don't be around me.
It turns girls off. Well, if a girl gets turned off by my smoking, then perhaps she is not my type of girl. There are lots of girls that smoke in this world so it's not like we're in a shortage here.
If there's anything else, please let me know. If not, Keep your fucking mouth shut about my smoking.
Note: Sorry If i seemed mean. I was tired and shit. I have been smoking for 3 years now and to be honest, I'm still more athletic than you are. I have quit at some times. In fact, there are two ways for me to temporarily quit. However, that's no a tale for today.
My health is my problem. If I want to die when I'm 19, I will do so. If I want to die when I'm 29, I will do so. If you have a problem with my health, maybe you should get a life and fuck off.
The smell of smoking... If you don't want to breathe in the air of my smoke, just don't be with me when I'm smoking. IN FACT!!! Most of the time when I am smoking, I'm by myself or at a smoking designated area such as the smoking pit beside my school. If you don't like the smell, well that's your problem. I have no problem with it. You don't like it? Don't be around me.
It turns girls off. Well, if a girl gets turned off by my smoking, then perhaps she is not my type of girl. There are lots of girls that smoke in this world so it's not like we're in a shortage here.
If there's anything else, please let me know. If not, Keep your fucking mouth shut about my smoking.
Note: Sorry If i seemed mean. I was tired and shit. I have been smoking for 3 years now and to be honest, I'm still more athletic than you are. I have quit at some times. In fact, there are two ways for me to temporarily quit. However, that's no a tale for today.
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
When I get bored...
(list in numerical order of what I will do first)
1. Play guitar
2. Listen to music
3. Read a book (I'm reading the satanic bible currently for the 5th time -.-)
4. Go to the park
5. Go for a smoke
6. Go to the mall
7. Facebook stalk
8. Practice my crabcoring outside my scheduled time
9. Practice skateboarding
10. Dance in my room (oh nooooo)
11. Practice my crabcoring outside my scheduled time
12. Talk to YOU
13. Draw dicks
14. Stalk you in real life
15. Laugh
16. WRITE ON THIS BLOG HAHAHAHA
And that's the sequence. So go fuck yourself. I'll do what I want, when I want.
1. Play guitar
2. Listen to music
3. Read a book (I'm reading the satanic bible currently for the 5th time -.-)
4. Go to the park
5. Go for a smoke
6. Go to the mall
7. Facebook stalk
8. Practice my crabcoring outside my scheduled time
9. Practice skateboarding
10. Dance in my room (oh nooooo)
11. Practice my crabcoring outside my scheduled time
12. Talk to YOU
13. Draw dicks
14. Stalk you in real life
15. Laugh
16. WRITE ON THIS BLOG HAHAHAHA
And that's the sequence. So go fuck yourself. I'll do what I want, when I want.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
CRABFUCKINGCORE!
You dont know brutality until you know crabcore!
Much like the locomotion, macarena, watusi, cabbage patch, mashed potato, and even the urkel, the crabcore craze will be over sooner than it started. Ripped denim crotches everywhere are thankful."
"For the most part, Crabcore is an offshoot of Christcore, with similar hairstyles, v-necks, tight pants and religious beliefs. It appears the only difference between the two (besides excessive vocoder usage, eurodance beats and unnecessary breakdowns every 30 seconds) is that followers of the crabcore persuasion will squat like a girl taking a piss in the woods during their power stances.
Much like the locomotion, macarena, watusi, cabbage patch, mashed potato, and even the urkel, the crabcore craze will be over sooner than it started. Ripped denim crotches everywhere are thankful."
Amen.
Now why is crabcore so effective?
Some scientists speculate that this movement is intended to emphasize the rhythm and beat of the break-down section in a song.
Where ever you go, don't forget. Crabcore it up. In school? Crabcore. At the mall? Crabcore. In church? Crabfuckingcore. Life ain't worth living without the crab fucking core.
Wanna watch some crabcore? Search Attack Attack! up. Crab fucking live fucking core fuck.
Thank the crabcore gods for blessing us with the creation of crabcore.
Thank you based god for Attack Attack, the missionaries of brutality.
You don't like crabcore?
It's expressing their beliefs and it's very sad that they're being attacked for standing up for what they believe in. I'm glad they infuse happy electronic beats strangely out of place in their tame metal attack because they're making the point that Jesus can tame and conquer even the most abrasive demons, including those of metal. Standing up for your beliefs should never be mocked or looked down upon. Crabcore 4 lyfe.
Saturday, 7 May 2011
Inception
Ok. I watched Inception today and what can I say? It was an interesting story, filled with no plot twists, an extreme large-ass budget so they could hire tons of experienced overrated semi-attractive actors, and bloody dicks. Oh wait that's Piranha 3D (Fucking goodass movie)
Anyways, I was disappointed. Like it was so unrealistic that it was just dumb. Go into your dreams and take information? Well lets think about this clearly. Here we have a young business man that is now the head of a company after his father died. I'm sure he has perverted dreams instead of dreaming about riding in a black car or some random shit. It would have been much harder to evade through a fucking horde of brookie cookies, Blake Livelys', and that one hot glee cheerleader chick than to avoid traffic at rush hour.
Then they go into a dream of a dream where they are in a hotel. Great cause I have dreams in hotels as well.
Then another dream where they are in a fucking snowy ass mountain. Great cause i dream of myself freezing to death or dressed like a fucking ewok.
Ok now you're gonna say. That girl from Juno creates those dreams. Well kk lets put me in that situation. It would be so obvious to me that I'm in a dream because unlike the rest of the 6 billion people in the world, I dream of myself in traffic, in a hotel, or at Russian mountain trying to disarm 50 Call of Duty "Veteran level" Soldiers while at the same time, trying to save a Japanese man that is clearly my opponent in the prostitution ring or whatever it was.
For your information, that was fucking sarcasm. Yeah why would I try to stop the one person that is in my way of becoming the wealthiest person in the world? I wouldn't.
Another thing was that everyone came out of that movie and were like "Inception MIND FUCK". Yeah well you must have one weak ass mind because it wasn't a hard story to understand. They go into dreams to steal information for whoever the buyer is. And then they go into dream in a dream in a dream. Oh my MIND FUCK.
And guess what? It was so obvious that Leonardo Dicaprio was in reality at the end of the movie. Everyone was like "What happened at the end? Oh no I need to know what happened!" Guess what? The top was already starting to topple over so yes he was in reality with his children and his dead wife.
I really like Leonardo Dicaprio. He's a really good actor. Almost too good. In fact so good that he overacted and I couldn't believe it. But by comparisson to the other crappy actors, he was amazing in that movie. THATS RIGHT. I SAID IT. CRAPPY ACTORS. That juno bitch was shitty and i dislike her. She couldn't act for her life. That guy that fought that other guy in the hotel that was like rotating was a boring actor. Sure he was good looking but that's all. That Japanese or Chinese guy that got shot. Ok guess what? Getting shot hurts! I know eh? So strange. I would be screaming in pain if I got shot. But of course. Not even a single squeal or pain stricken scream. Now the the next thing you are gonna say is that he has a humongous pain capacity. Ok I watched Kill Bill and those Japanese guys were like screaming in pain after just a little cut on the chest.
The movie? 7/10 Interesting and it entertained me but if you're looking for a movie that will change your life? Well look somewhere else.
Anyways, I was disappointed. Like it was so unrealistic that it was just dumb. Go into your dreams and take information? Well lets think about this clearly. Here we have a young business man that is now the head of a company after his father died. I'm sure he has perverted dreams instead of dreaming about riding in a black car or some random shit. It would have been much harder to evade through a fucking horde of brookie cookies, Blake Livelys', and that one hot glee cheerleader chick than to avoid traffic at rush hour.
Then they go into a dream of a dream where they are in a hotel. Great cause I have dreams in hotels as well.
Then another dream where they are in a fucking snowy ass mountain. Great cause i dream of myself freezing to death or dressed like a fucking ewok.
Ok now you're gonna say. That girl from Juno creates those dreams. Well kk lets put me in that situation. It would be so obvious to me that I'm in a dream because unlike the rest of the 6 billion people in the world, I dream of myself in traffic, in a hotel, or at Russian mountain trying to disarm 50 Call of Duty "Veteran level" Soldiers while at the same time, trying to save a Japanese man that is clearly my opponent in the prostitution ring or whatever it was.
For your information, that was fucking sarcasm. Yeah why would I try to stop the one person that is in my way of becoming the wealthiest person in the world? I wouldn't.
Another thing was that everyone came out of that movie and were like "Inception MIND FUCK". Yeah well you must have one weak ass mind because it wasn't a hard story to understand. They go into dreams to steal information for whoever the buyer is. And then they go into dream in a dream in a dream. Oh my MIND FUCK.
And guess what? It was so obvious that Leonardo Dicaprio was in reality at the end of the movie. Everyone was like "What happened at the end? Oh no I need to know what happened!" Guess what? The top was already starting to topple over so yes he was in reality with his children and his dead wife.
I really like Leonardo Dicaprio. He's a really good actor. Almost too good. In fact so good that he overacted and I couldn't believe it. But by comparisson to the other crappy actors, he was amazing in that movie. THATS RIGHT. I SAID IT. CRAPPY ACTORS. That juno bitch was shitty and i dislike her. She couldn't act for her life. That guy that fought that other guy in the hotel that was like rotating was a boring actor. Sure he was good looking but that's all. That Japanese or Chinese guy that got shot. Ok guess what? Getting shot hurts! I know eh? So strange. I would be screaming in pain if I got shot. But of course. Not even a single squeal or pain stricken scream. Now the the next thing you are gonna say is that he has a humongous pain capacity. Ok I watched Kill Bill and those Japanese guys were like screaming in pain after just a little cut on the chest.
The movie? 7/10 Interesting and it entertained me but if you're looking for a movie that will change your life? Well look somewhere else.
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Run Naked, Forest, Run Naked
Yeah i had to run naked around the school's soccer field today... OK exaggeration. Not naked. BUT ONLY BOXERS!
So I lost a game with a friend today and then he stripped me off my pride as his friends held me down to the ground and ripped off my clothing. I still remember the feeling of betrayal and sadness as they clawed at me. Hand after hand. Tears were welling up in my eyes. Just as I lost hope, the men, no the animals, felt some pity for this pathetic animal and decided to leave me with my undergarments. However, this empathy quickly subsided as they proceed to force me over the fence onto the school's locked soccer field.
I started sweating all over, screaming for help. I tried jumping over the fences but as soon as I gripped the fence, they kicked me down.
"Run around."
I starred at them with pleading eyes.
"Don't do this."
They laughed at my demise. So as quickly and dignified as possible, I gathered myself and ran around the track. When I was out of there sight, nothing could stop the tears from streaming down my face.
And there ya have it. My dramatization.
I actually volunteered to do it as apposed to another WAY worse punishment. And there is a video of it. Hopefully, my friends won't see it -.- I flashed my ass at 17 seconds.
So I lost a game with a friend today and then he stripped me off my pride as his friends held me down to the ground and ripped off my clothing. I still remember the feeling of betrayal and sadness as they clawed at me. Hand after hand. Tears were welling up in my eyes. Just as I lost hope, the men, no the animals, felt some pity for this pathetic animal and decided to leave me with my undergarments. However, this empathy quickly subsided as they proceed to force me over the fence onto the school's locked soccer field.
I started sweating all over, screaming for help. I tried jumping over the fences but as soon as I gripped the fence, they kicked me down.
"Run around."
I starred at them with pleading eyes.
"Don't do this."
They laughed at my demise. So as quickly and dignified as possible, I gathered myself and ran around the track. When I was out of there sight, nothing could stop the tears from streaming down my face.
And there ya have it. My dramatization.
I actually volunteered to do it as apposed to another WAY worse punishment. And there is a video of it. Hopefully, my friends won't see it -.- I flashed my ass at 17 seconds.
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
"I Miss You" BULLSHIT
Now what do you do when a guy/girl that has either
1) Used you like a garden hoe
2) Played your heart like a game of monopoly
3) Selfish bitchery for 5 weeks straight
4) Future stalker/rapist
Texts you via text "I miss you"? (There may be a face in their somewhere)
This should be the response. (remember this is a text so lets keep it down 1000 letters.)
1st text:
Ok. Well to start things off, why do you miss me? I can't say i miss you at all. Hell these past couple of weeks that we haven't talked at all, wait let me rephrase that. These past couple of weeks where I haven't listened to you bitch for 4 hours straight a night have been a breeze even with exams coming and all. You're probably wondering. Bitch? When do I ever do that? Well lets see. You always complain about your parents being total "assholes" to you while they are extremely lenient of your bratty behavior.
You always complain of your friends ditching you but you keep on overlooking the fact that you are extremely selfish? You always complain of me not talking to you enough but you dismiss the fact that I have my own life as well. You always complain about your life being shit but lets be honest. You are extremely fortunate to have people around you to care enough about you to keep holding on to your crap for as long as I can imagine. I know orphans that have been raped and brutalized that are more "optimistic" than you. Speaking of which, what exactly is so bad about your life that you have to go "emo" yourself up for? Stop being so self-centered.
You think just cause you think nobody "understands" you or blah blah, nobody understands your teenage angst crap? I'm sure you've seen those posters that tell you to call kids help phone if you need help with anything but Don't. I mean it. It would be a serious waste for one of those people who actually save lives to actually come and help a pathetic excuse for human shit like you. Maybe I'm being a bit biased. Look babe, if you want to commit suicide, that's fine with me but don't give me the "across the street" cut crap. If you want to kill yourself, show me some "down the road"s alright? I'll even help you out. Just get me a belt, a door with an elevation of at least 100 cm, a suicide note expressing all your "held-in sadness and anger that nobody else understands", and some balls for you to actually go through with it.
So pretty much what this response is... Fuck you bitch. and that is going to be the same response for everything that you will ever talk to me for until i hear a "I'm Sorry" or at least something close to that that expresses your gratitude to everything that everyone has ever done for you which my reply will be "I forgive you."
Second text:
Fuck you bitch.
1) Used you like a garden hoe
2) Played your heart like a game of monopoly
3) Selfish bitchery for 5 weeks straight
4) Future stalker/rapist
Texts you via text "I miss you"? (There may be a face in their somewhere)
This should be the response. (remember this is a text so lets keep it down 1000 letters.)
1st text:
Ok. Well to start things off, why do you miss me? I can't say i miss you at all. Hell these past couple of weeks that we haven't talked at all, wait let me rephrase that. These past couple of weeks where I haven't listened to you bitch for 4 hours straight a night have been a breeze even with exams coming and all. You're probably wondering. Bitch? When do I ever do that? Well lets see. You always complain about your parents being total "assholes" to you while they are extremely lenient of your bratty behavior.
You always complain of your friends ditching you but you keep on overlooking the fact that you are extremely selfish? You always complain of me not talking to you enough but you dismiss the fact that I have my own life as well. You always complain about your life being shit but lets be honest. You are extremely fortunate to have people around you to care enough about you to keep holding on to your crap for as long as I can imagine. I know orphans that have been raped and brutalized that are more "optimistic" than you. Speaking of which, what exactly is so bad about your life that you have to go "emo" yourself up for? Stop being so self-centered.
You think just cause you think nobody "understands" you or blah blah, nobody understands your teenage angst crap? I'm sure you've seen those posters that tell you to call kids help phone if you need help with anything but Don't. I mean it. It would be a serious waste for one of those people who actually save lives to actually come and help a pathetic excuse for human shit like you. Maybe I'm being a bit biased. Look babe, if you want to commit suicide, that's fine with me but don't give me the "across the street" cut crap. If you want to kill yourself, show me some "down the road"s alright? I'll even help you out. Just get me a belt, a door with an elevation of at least 100 cm, a suicide note expressing all your "held-in sadness and anger that nobody else understands", and some balls for you to actually go through with it.
So pretty much what this response is... Fuck you bitch. and that is going to be the same response for everything that you will ever talk to me for until i hear a "I'm Sorry" or at least something close to that that expresses your gratitude to everything that everyone has ever done for you which my reply will be "I forgive you."
Second text:
Fuck you bitch.
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
I farted in this cup...
So I have this friend that we love to play little mean jokes on each other. The most recent one was when he kicked my balls out of the blue. We were just standing beside each other and all of a sudden, a roundhouse kick to my balls!
So I was at a coffee shop with this friend a couple of days agoand he asked me to go get him a black coffee. First of all, I was appalled that he could even drink black coffee because frankly, it tastes like pee when it is black.
So i asked him "Why black?" and he said that he was lactose intolerant. WHAT A LITTLE BITCH! Secondly, I was appalled that this little bitch that can't even drink normal coffee was even asking me to go get him some coffee like a little bitch!
So now, think about it this way. This would put me in a position of being the bitch's bitch, putting me at the bottom of the food chain! In order to save my pride, I could do only one thing. Play a disgusting prank on him.
I went off to get him some coffee. Then I put enough milk and sugar in it to make it a quintuple quintuple! After putting some other condiments in it such as salt and vinegar, I feared that this was not deadly enough. As a last act of desperation, I farted in the cup.
That's right. I farted in the cup!
So I went to pass him the cup of toxic coffee. The colour was way off the normal black, but he didn't notice. He takes one sip of it and says "What did you put in this coffee?" I say, "Ehh ya know. The usual. MILK MOTHER FUCKER! MILK FROM MY TITTIES!"
He immediately bolts out into the washroom and poops bricks as I was listening from the door.
*Plop plop* the poop goes. Meanwhile, he's cursing at me. "You went overboard this time man! I'm going to get you back for this." I'm apologizing half-halfheartedly because to be honest, I felt a little bit of guilt. That's right. In this deep dark hole that is my heart, I actually felt pity for this pathetic insect that probably feels like it just released a nuclear bomb in its underwear.
So finally, he's done and we're just both laughing at what we had just done while I am preparing for my punishment. My balls began tingling. Always a bad sign.
He asks "What did you put in there anyways?"
I say "I dunno, go check it out."
He opens the cup and takes a whiff of the drink. Next thing you know, he's out cold!
So I'm just standing there wondering what just happened. So finally, I hypothesized what happened.
Now, I'm not saying I'm amazing at chemistry. In fact, I suck at it. But my limited knowledge does tell me that Chlorine gas will knock a bear out and therefore, knocked my friend out.
 |
| Pictured above: A roundhouse kick to my balls. |
So I was at a coffee shop with this friend a couple of days agoand he asked me to go get him a black coffee. First of all, I was appalled that he could even drink black coffee because frankly, it tastes like pee when it is black.
So now, think about it this way. This would put me in a position of being the bitch's bitch, putting me at the bottom of the food chain! In order to save my pride, I could do only one thing. Play a disgusting prank on him.
 |
| I refuse to be at the bottom. |
I went off to get him some coffee. Then I put enough milk and sugar in it to make it a quintuple quintuple! After putting some other condiments in it such as salt and vinegar, I feared that this was not deadly enough. As a last act of desperation, I farted in the cup.
 |
| Pictured above: Pure joy. |
That's right. I farted in the cup!
So I went to pass him the cup of toxic coffee. The colour was way off the normal black, but he didn't notice. He takes one sip of it and says "What did you put in this coffee?" I say, "Ehh ya know. The usual. MILK MOTHER FUCKER! MILK FROM MY TITTIES!"
He immediately bolts out into the washroom and poops bricks as I was listening from the door.
*Plop plop* the poop goes. Meanwhile, he's cursing at me. "You went overboard this time man! I'm going to get you back for this." I'm apologizing half-halfheartedly because to be honest, I felt a little bit of guilt. That's right. In this deep dark hole that is my heart, I actually felt pity for this pathetic insect that probably feels like it just released a nuclear bomb in its underwear.
So finally, he's done and we're just both laughing at what we had just done while I am preparing for my punishment. My balls began tingling. Always a bad sign.
He asks "What did you put in there anyways?"
I say "I dunno, go check it out."
He opens the cup and takes a whiff of the drink. Next thing you know, he's out cold!
So I'm just standing there wondering what just happened. So finally, I hypothesized what happened.
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
April 26th Worst Day Ever
So I had the worst day of my life today -.-
Now ok. Today, it started like any normal. I woke up and dragged my ass to school. In fact, i thought it was an amazing day because my chemistry teacher wasn't here today.
BOY WAS I WRONG?!?!
See I have this ritual where I take my friend's phone every physics class and read through all his texts!!! Funny eh? Anyways, I was reading one of his texts with this girl and it turns out this extremely pretty girl likes this guy! Well Fuck me sideways. So anyways, I'm just sitting there with a broken heart and a phone full of mocking texts.
Next thing happened during my last period class, math. So there is this girl in my math class and she is really pretty. =D Anyhoo, this guy, NOTE: he is an attractive and muscular guy, comes in in the last 10 minutes of class from gym class and asks this pretty girl to go to the PROM with him which she replies with a, of course, YES. So anyways, I'm just sitting there with a broken heart, a memory of a phone full of mocking texts, and a spiteful love scene in front of my eyes.
So by then, I was convinced my day couldn't get any worse so I tried to leave as soon as possible. This extremely pretty girl said hi to my friend today. MY FRIEND!!! Why must god spite me? Sure i haven't been a perfect person in my life and i sure as hell sin a lot. In fact, I'm pretty sure I am committing the grand sin of lust. So anyways, I'm just standing there with a broken heart, a memory of a phone full of mocking texts, a memory of a spiteful love scene in front of my eyes, and eternal damnation to hell from yours truly.
So there ya have it. Shitty day -.-
EDIT: Ok My day became even shittier. I didn't realize until right now. O.k it was around 8:00 when i first noticed it which is also the beginning of Glee. So I was watching Glee and usually, I am mildly entertained but this week's episode was TERRIBLE! So I changed the channel at exactly 8:39 to YTV and caught a rerun of a spongebob episode. You know what the episode was about? This episode was about Spongebob having the greatest day of his life.
The entire episode involved him singing "the best day ever" And i changed the channel just when his little "ballad" started. So what are you trying to tell me god?
Now ok. Today, it started like any normal. I woke up and dragged my ass to school. In fact, i thought it was an amazing day because my chemistry teacher wasn't here today.
BOY WAS I WRONG?!?!
See I have this ritual where I take my friend's phone every physics class and read through all his texts!!! Funny eh? Anyways, I was reading one of his texts with this girl and it turns out this extremely pretty girl likes this guy! Well Fuck me sideways. So anyways, I'm just sitting there with a broken heart and a phone full of mocking texts.
Next thing happened during my last period class, math. So there is this girl in my math class and she is really pretty. =D Anyhoo, this guy, NOTE: he is an attractive and muscular guy, comes in in the last 10 minutes of class from gym class and asks this pretty girl to go to the PROM with him which she replies with a, of course, YES. So anyways, I'm just sitting there with a broken heart, a memory of a phone full of mocking texts, and a spiteful love scene in front of my eyes.
So by then, I was convinced my day couldn't get any worse so I tried to leave as soon as possible. This extremely pretty girl said hi to my friend today. MY FRIEND!!! Why must god spite me? Sure i haven't been a perfect person in my life and i sure as hell sin a lot. In fact, I'm pretty sure I am committing the grand sin of lust. So anyways, I'm just standing there with a broken heart, a memory of a phone full of mocking texts, a memory of a spiteful love scene in front of my eyes, and eternal damnation to hell from yours truly.
So there ya have it. Shitty day -.-
EDIT: Ok My day became even shittier. I didn't realize until right now. O.k it was around 8:00 when i first noticed it which is also the beginning of Glee. So I was watching Glee and usually, I am mildly entertained but this week's episode was TERRIBLE! So I changed the channel at exactly 8:39 to YTV and caught a rerun of a spongebob episode. You know what the episode was about? This episode was about Spongebob having the greatest day of his life.
The entire episode involved him singing "the best day ever" And i changed the channel just when his little "ballad" started. So what are you trying to tell me god?
Monday, 25 April 2011
Introduction
So lets see. My ANNOYING friend finally convinced me to start a blog with him. Ok that would be the topic sentence.
The name is (SHH). On this blog, I'm gonna share some of the stuff that me and my friend that i previously noted have written such as lyrics stories blah blah blah. My friend refuses to be revealed because he is a bitch. Anyways some information.
Name: Turn out that I'm gonna keep this one to myself :)
Age: 16
Sex: Not yet -.- VIRGIN ALERT!
Sex: hermaphrodite
Height: 8 inches and growing
Weight: Well the woman side of me never tells ;)
School: Bayview Secondary School
Religion: Mormon
One of many pet peeves: When people say KayThxBai or KThxBai or any sort of variation of this bullshit.
Music: Christian Gospel music ironically haha
Hobbie(s): Drawing penises or Penii
Address: River Styx
Idol: Shinya Aoki
The name is (SHH). On this blog, I'm gonna share some of the stuff that me and my friend that i previously noted have written such as lyrics stories blah blah blah. My friend refuses to be revealed because he is a bitch. Anyways some information.
Name: Turn out that I'm gonna keep this one to myself :)
Age: 16
Sex: Not yet -.- VIRGIN ALERT!
Sex: hermaphrodite
Height: 8 inches and growing
Weight: Well the woman side of me never tells ;)
School: Bayview Secondary School
Religion: Mormon
One of many pet peeves: When people say KayThxBai or KThxBai or any sort of variation of this bullshit.
Music: Christian Gospel music ironically haha
Hobbie(s): Drawing penises or Penii
Address: River Styx
Idol: Shinya Aoki
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